Financial threats
Where masculinities are organised into hierarchies, it is also the case that “most men are not actually in dominant positions, most of the time” [
56]:29. The men in this study, living in cash-dependent urban settings where unemployment and low wages and incomes also prevailed, were portrayed as vulnerable, stretched, and constantly plagued by the threat of failure. The picture of unblemished masculinity depicted above, and clearly so much aspired to, seemed far removed from descriptions given of men’s actual lives.
“Most men don’t measure up, because nowadays employment is scarce. In town [urban areas] we rely on money. If you can’t secure it, then you can’t support at all in the home. Most people are suffering.” (Woman in community mixed sex FGD)
Men indicated they yearned for and derived gratification from success in their expected roles. A single father to three non-resident children lived with two brothers, a sister-in-law, and a niece in a house left by a deceased uncle. As they were not formally employed, the man and his brothers drew income from selling tap water from their home. The man, himself a TB patient, described his feelings regarding the support that he gave to his children.
“They often come when they have no money. I try to find some to give them. It is things like those that leave joy in my heart; when my children come to me, and I accomplish what they want.”
Yet, shouldering insurmountable responsibilities and battling to generate resources, sometimes exacerbated by disabling illness, men’s experiences were dominated more by pain and anxiety than by joy and gratification.
“My wife, kids … grandmother at the village… other relatives … I do everything for them…. So when not working or doing any business, you’re a very poor person… Your big responsibilities become a big burden when you don’t send money. I spend months without sending to the village … and it’s painful.” (33-year old father of two; chronic cougher)
“… failing to do some things on my own… Like hard jobs, jobs that make me get money … I fail just because I have TB… It hinders me… I should do hard work but I have difficulties breathing. … When I am working and I start having difficulty breathing, I just leave it in the middle.” (29-year old father of three; TB patient)
A 24-year old male TB patient who had just quit his job after relatives advised him to rest in order to recover described the mental strain from failing to support his parent as previously. Within his household where he stayed with his two brothers and a sister-in-law and her child, the man described feeling isolated because he was unable to contribute financially.
“My mother’s condition at the village … sometimes she asks for money for fertilizer… But as I am now, the money is hard to get…. So I get depressed… [Chuckles] Also when you stay with someone … and you can’t contribute money…. to tell them you’re hungry… you can’t. So, whenever I get my hands on some money, I leave home and go out to eat somewhere.”
Other sources of the threat of being considered ‘less than men’
Throughout, the accounts portray men grappling with tensions that revolve around their socially constructed images. Health problems, adverse economic conditions, and inability to achieve an omnipresence that permits monitoring all aspects of their lives and social contexts, all seemed to severely hinder men from achieving their desired representations.
The relational dynamics that accompany women’s involvement in income generation illustrate, in particular, men’s fears of losing control. Several women described heading and supporting their families when widowed, divorced, separated, or not living together with a spouse for work-related reasons. Some, however, took the role up even in their husbands’ presence, something both men and women acknowledged to be necessary in today’s economy.
Men then struggled to cope with the switching roles. Women bringing income or consolidating their hold over households for any other reason upset the gender role differentiations men were accustomed to and preferred. They threatened, in particular, men’s headship of and grasp over households, leading men to respond by simply disengaging further from the domestic space.
“… men, regarding household work, a-ah, they don’t do [laughing] … They just stay at the market , huh! Like that, only coming home to sleep. Yeah [laughing]. That’s how they do. But … nowadays, there’s gender [equality], right? People assist each other. But men stick to that old life” [laughing] (26-year married mother-of-two, who was running a grocery outlet)
Another concern for men was how they might naively believe they had greater say within households when, in fact, women quietly exercised such control.
“We used to say the head of family is the man, yes… but that was only in the past. Nowadays some of us can get big-headed when, in fact, it is the woman who is wise… even wiser and cleverer in doing things than the man.” (Community men’s FGD)
Despite their active efforts to dissociate themselves from feminine and domestic spaces, and increasing uncertainty about their role and influence within the home, men were conscious of the overwhelming workload burden on women. They were, however, ambivalent about helping out as they feared they would be considered effeminate.
“You say ‘let me help out here’, and poof! goes respect for you. Afterwards, she relates to friends [Laughter] ‘Me I am sorted, my children’s father, anything I leave out of place, he sorts nicely.’” [Laughing] (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
“Oh yes… when with friends, women talk carelessly, ‘don’t worry, let’s take our time talking, when I get home things are already done.’” [Laughter] (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
Men suspected that, within their circles, women conspired to cast men in a poor light, influencing each other into extramarital sex and gossiping about husbands’ inadequacies, thus subjecting them to public scrutiny and ranking.
“Speaking badly when chatting with their friends… Quarrels arise daily because of this; there are fights; homes are now like courts because women’s way of talking is not good. We feel disrespected” (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
“She mustn’t take domestic issues out to neighbours and friends, like how little her husband earns. If her neighbour’s husband makes a lot, this causes her to develop other - - - start prostitution.” (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
“They tell her, ‘Why suffer with an unemployed husband … End the marriage. Another man can marry and make you happy’ ” (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
Furthermore, in men’s view, women used cunning skills to outwit their spouses, subtly and gradually eroding the latter’s influence and authority while covertly engaging in extramarital relationships.
“You marry a woman and give her your principles . She breaks them one-by-one . She’ll tell you, ‘Your bad friend asked me out’, ‘What! I’ll deal with him’. Yet she is the crook , just blaming that other person because perhaps he caught her, and she must smear his character.” (Community men’s FGD)
Women confirmed men’s concerns as they admitted using their networks or the space when husbands are at work to enter other sexual relationships.
“We meet regularly and update: ‘How are things?’ If foolish you let all out … Just say you’re doing well. Then she fails to trap you … into being unfaithful” (Woman in community mixed sex FGD)
“Since we don’t go to work, we say: ‘He leaves in the morning, and returns in the evening. I sneak out, he won’t find out, or notice. By three, four , I’ll be back in’. It just takes two or three of similar minds.” (Woman in community mixed sex FGD).
Consequently, while they desired women’s involvement in cash generation, men seemed under pressure to strengthen control and vigilance lest the women engaged in extramarital sexual affairs or became domineering and defiant in the home.
“The thinking is, a man gets money through honest means, but a woman must give a detailed explanation.” (Man in community mixed sex FGD)
“He can leave home, go do piece-work, and bring money. For the woman to do the same, and say ‘I did a small job somewhere’, no one will buy that …” (Woman in community mixed sex FGD)
“Now the woman brings problems from outside into the house, and when he questions, she reminds him ‘I feed you, and pay the rent!’” (Man in community mixed sex FGD)