Background
Methods
Sample
Total participants (n = 8) | |
---|---|
Sex | |
Female | 7 |
Male | 1 |
Age group in years | |
20–40 | 2 |
41–60 | 6 |
Race | |
Caucasian | 8 |
Country of birth | |
Australia | 5 |
South Africa | 1 |
United Kingdom | 1 |
United State | 1 |
Education attainment | |
Undergraduate | 1 |
Graduate | 4 |
Post graduate | 3 |
Diagnosed with | |
ADHD | 4 |
Depression | 3 |
Had child/ren with ADHD | |
One child | 3 |
More than one child | 4 |
Had no children | 1 |
Category of respondent | |
Mother | 5 |
Father | 1 |
Grandmother | 1 |
Adult with no children | 1 |
Data collection procedure
Data analysis
Rigour
Ethics approval
Results
An impairment to achieving success
It’s a double-edged sword
I didn’t realise that the emotional problem that [my son] was experiencing was direct result of ADHD. I knew his hyperactivity was, but I didn’t know the emotional difficulties he had. I didn’t understand the impact of ADHD he had. I just saw the hyperactivity thing … struggling at school … but by the time he was 15, things were coming apart and really I did worry that he would suicide. (Jo)
First it was a curse. It was so hard to control; it pulls them so difficult, they torn of their different feelings [sic]. But other side some of the things they do are amazing. It is like a gift, having extra especial power, but whether you can control them?
He was intellectually challenging and fun to rear … interesting … creative so far out of the box … you have to have eyes [in the] back of your head … never a dull moment … exhausting and emotionally scarring but incredibly interesting … intellectual stimulus … you can put [it] that way.
They [her friends’ lives] are organized and dull – my one is chaotic and fun. We see more funny connection than other people see – more interesting … one of my friends said I was lot more fun before [treated].
I think about this a lot and I’m not sure. We read a lot about those outstanding individuals for whom ADHD has been a blessing that they have made great discoveries and they are enormously successful …. There was a belief that human clan would not succeed without ADHD people in the society … [but] the flip side of me says, the success stories that … you do not hear about people who had their life in hell because of the emotional difficulties that ADHD creates. My son and I talked about this a lot. We both agreed [that]… the technicolour as we call the life we live is not worth, we prefer the black & white that everybody lives. So … it’s a double edged sword ….
It has to be fixed
We need to fix the problem. If he is not achieving at school what he is supposed to achieve and there is a problem, then do whatever it needs to be done to fix it ….
We think ADHD is impairment to success. We think success is everything. You got to be successful in life, academically and financially successful. You need to achieve regular goals, family/wife/kids. So, this is impairment, something to be cured … it has to be fixed.
Diagnosis as a relief
It’s not my fault
I was pleased to find out that there was something we could do because my son was really struggling. So it was very good for us to find out what the cause was of his problem … a big relief because he was clearly intelligent but he was clearly struggling.
I actually felt relief. I was relieved because I realised that I was neither mad nor bad. There was certainly evidence that made other people to feel that I was bad … sometimes I thought am I crazy? People said I am rude, I am this and that, I am mad … but I thought I had a good heart … I am concerned about people’s wellbeing and I wanted to help…now I know why.
… relaxed, thankful, happy, probably validated. Along the way we tried couple of others because he [son] had learning difficulties despite his intellect, we had him tested various other types of psychologically tested. They said he had learning difficulties associated with eye sight tracking which is very common with ADHD … but he had two other diagnoses that both said that I was an over protective mother that caused those hassles… so I was causing his problem. They said I was the problem, not him … it was all my fault and he had nothing wrong with it. So when he was diagnosed very comprehensively to fulfil more than minimum criteria [for ADHD], or maximum whatever you could have, it was a validation for him and for me. For him it was giving a name and understanding of why he was different.
He is missing a chemical that doesn’t allow his brain to do what he needs to do. His brain is seeking stimulation or lacking the ability … it’s not an illness, but it’s a disability, because his body can’t do certain things.
Well, ADHD is a mental health issue in the DSM 4 and 5. According to that he has, but I don’t think about it to be honest … I don’t see him mentally … but if not treated it can be a mental health issue… [so] we accommodate for his [ADHD], so he won’t have any serious mental health [problem].
It runs in the family
My two older boys were diagnosed first, and listening to the paediatricians I realised that me and my wife had the same symptoms … so it came through our lines, therefore it was genetic and heritage ran from us … so we were treated.
When I was pregnant, I did nothing wrong – no drinking, no drug, no bad food. I did everything by the book. I pumped myself from everything to be the best mother … since they were little I gave them boundaries, they were not allowed to have soft drinks, sugar … so, that was not the case … it [ADHD] was from the family … it’s genetic, it’s through the generation … through the father … while doing this [treatment for the first child] we sort of knew my husband had had it for a very long time. So we got him diagnosed … it’s hereditary … since my husband was diagnosed, my father-in-law with full of ADHD … in his 60s … said to me “I know I’ve got it”.
Responsibility
To be normal
… it’s not the decision that parents make easily. Any long term medication that you put your child on – this is something you have to think about long and hard. You have to decide that your child is diagnosed with something; you have to be satisfied with … pros and cons. … We tried occupational therapy … all sorts of things and wasted lots of money … but when it was clear that none of these were happening - it was already two years. Actually it was my biggest regret that I didn’t try with the medication at the beginning. He would have learnt a lot more at school in those two years.
I felt strange … but now it is a normal way of life and I don’t have a problem with it. So I don’t feel guilty about giving [medication] to them [the children]. As a parent, it is my responsibility to give them … it is no difference to my blood pressure tablet. I have to take blood pressure tablet or I would feel ill. … So, it’s [medication] a tool for them to cope. To me, it’s a tool to not feel inadequate, not feel different. I don’t want them to be in trouble. I don’t want them to feel that there was something wrong with them … it’s about self-esteem, confidence … about fitting in … learning, adaptation. … So they have their routine, and they have to take the medication every day to be normal.
So, I try to make it open as much as possible. I brought the book, and the teachers read with other kids that [her son’s name] has a brain, and he can’t concentrate. So the whole class would know – that’s how the teacher is educating the children. There is nothing wrong with [her son’s name], he has taken medication to calm down. So if the parents think that way, it should come from the children that [her son’s name] is not naughty, not a bad kid and he does not have any problem. I used to bring all books and DVD on ADHD and gave it to teachers to give it to other parents, because I wanted to have others to be educated.
To fit in
I feel I am doing the right thing, but I wish I didn’t have to … I don’t like it [giving the medication], but I have to do it for his education. It’s a drug and it is not good for your body, … so on school holidays I don’t give it to him, he doesn’t need it for any reason, because he is what he is, so he can learn to be himself without the pill … but he has to go to school and do what he is told to do and to fit in. If he was diabetic, he had to have the medication. So I feel to be a responsible mum, he has to have it. I can’t have him the way he wants to be … that’s not responsible parenting … that’s wrong … giving him wrong expectations – so he has to take the pills … responsibility is you have to do what you have to do. If he is happy with his life later not to take it that would be his adult decision, [but] I will guide him until then.
I take my pill to cope with pressure … I could cope with the world … if I didn’t take the pill I wouldn’t be able to talk to you like this … wouldn’t be able to focus at work … my husband copes better with me when I am on the pill … so I have to [take medication], to stay in the relationship, to keep our life easy.